parody/fiction/fantasy celebrating Star Wars Day 2023.
In a fantasy, parody galaxy far, far away, the First Order now has a new unit of super female stormtroopers. These super female stormtroopers posses bigger, more powerful guns able to rip apart tanks. The new weapons: their muscular arms and bulging biceps.
The Problem With Laser Guns
The First Order has been working away in addressing its legacy performance problem with stormtroopers and their laser guns, they just keep missing their targets. “We have all of the historical data from the Galactic Empire that showed this glaring flaw. Through our deployments we continued seeing this fundamental weakness in our ranks,” admitted Admiral Darilan Tray.
Tray and his leadership began to do research on several sub-deviations within Project Resurrection, meant to experiment with enhancements to the physiology of their armies. The current program focused on training and conditioning from birth using natural means, then sending these new soldiers out in the field.
This only increased the accuracy of fired laser guns by a slender eight percent. “Even if our soldiers hit their marks, they are still vulnerable against deflected shots coming from lightsabers among other things.”
Strength Of A Scorned Girl
Although the Supreme Leader of The First Order had plenty of soldiers and ships in his ranks, it was not enough to satisfy Admiral Tray. He wanted to see complete dominance and intimidation with strength, not just with numbers.
While observing a training session, one of the trainees burst out in raw rage and sliced down a training droid. This was reminiscent of stories he heard of the legendary Sith Lord Vader.
But the raw power feat he just witnessed was done by just a mere girl.
Immediately, he talked with the trainer in charge, Kaelyn Rodrick, who was promoted to Captain and head trainer of this new group of female stormtroopers. “I brought in several scientists with experience in genetic engineering and biotechnology to pour through past research. It disgusted me of the technology we had, yet, the old empire depended on the Sith to be our trump card, sheer arrogance.”
The Creation of a Super Female Stormtrooper Unit
Ten women, all chosen by their commanding officers began their treatments which began as simple shots of a virus to change their genetic composition. The group then underwent intense training and diets that vastly increased their food intake.
“From day one, I could see the changes happening in my body,” said one of the members of StormAmazons. “My slim frame filled out with what I thought was just pure fat, but the ammunition cases felt lighter as the days went out. A week later, a muscle bump showed on my arm whenever I tensed it.”
That was an understatement which caught the attention of the other units as each of the super female stormtroopers grew larger and stronger.
Fast forward to a year later. On average, each StormAmazon grew a foot taller, packed on over 2000 pounds of dense muscle and used their guns, that is, their powerful muscled arms to punch through a tank with ease. Their bodies were as fast as ground vehicles and durable enough to resist laser rifle shots.
After their program was completed. Their bodies drew a lot of attention, which didn’t go unnoticed by their captain. “The decision to have this unit expose their upper bodies was a controversial one. But the StormAmazon unit all were proud of their training and wanted to show off the results. “That saved us the trouble of having to continuously replace body armor as they grew bigger muscles. Considering how tough they are now, body armor was redundant,” said Captain Rodrick.
When asked what other benefits of having these super female stormtroopers clad in just sports bras out in the field, Rodrick smirked. “If you’re looking at their bras and not the battle, you’re already dead.”
These ten will be the only StormAmazons unit for now, as each member requires resources equal to ten stormtroopers. The army plans on deploying the StormAmazons in strategic situations that require critical results.
Until then, The First Order advises others to add their name to the waiting list, which is currently over 10,000 names long, most of them women.